Influentential people
In my writer's workshop, we were given the assignment to write about one person in our lives who was influential. I thought to myself "Oh this will be easy. I know exactly who I'll pick." But then I realized it's not all that cut and dry. That's because the people that I allowed to impact my life are so interwoven throughout my history and the lessons I needed to learn, and am still learning, that it's hard to tell where one ends and another begins. And that is why I could not choose just one, and even though it is difficult to narrow it down, two key people stand out as important in my most difficult life lesson, my late Aunt Kathi and my husband Brandon. Without one, I never would have been in a place in my life that would have allowed me to meet the other. And without either, I would not be where I am today.
Kathi: A woman who touched so many lives, in ways words can never begin to express. No words even exist that could come close to expressing this. She was loving, kind, generous, and stern. Although, I sometimes think she was more stern with me than her own children. She was the person I could go to when I needed to talk about anything. She listened and offered practical advice - that I often was too stubborn to follow, but she continued to give it to me anyway. She was also there to give me a swift kick back into reality when I needed it, which was quite often. I remember one time in particular when I was about 12 or 13 when I decided that I had agoraphobia and was afraid to walk across the street to the store. Although, she never raised her voice to me, and I can't quite remember her exact wording, what she said to me went screaming through me like she had yelled. She made me march right across the street and told me that wasn't going to happen again. It didn't, but I did realize then that I was painfully shy, but didn't have an uncontrollable phobia of public spaces. She continued to try to push me beyond my comfort level, sometimes gently, sometimes more forcefully, especially when I pushed back through my own stubbornness. But for some reason, it was easier for me to see her side of things, than it was my own parents, so I continued to rely on her as my main support system. When I was in high school, she was there for me to help me navigate the confusing world of boyfriends, sex, cliques, heartbreak, etc. She was also one of the people who encouraged me to leave home and go to college, even though my mom didn't really want me to, and the thought of leaving home was absolutely terrifying. But somehow, through her calm demeanor, I knew it would be alright, and off I went. Even though I came home quite often, she wrote me constantly. Cute little notes or cards here and there to brighten my day or give me words of encouragement. I blossomed in college and began to come out of my shy, protective shell. I still turned to her when I needed advice, and she helped me get through a very difficult and dangerous relationship with a man who openly admitted that he practiced black magic. As I was beginning to return from almost falling over the brink with him, she announced to me that she met a wonderful young man in Dallas, TX at a retreat. She thought he would be perfect for me. I wasn't so sure because he lived so far away. But that summer, he and his parents traveled to Red River to attend another retreat. She was right, he was perfect for me. As our relationship grew, she still remained the person I turned to, the person I felt I could share my dreams, fears, etc. She continued to push me, but as I began my life with my husband and shared more with him, her push was not as hard, but she was always there when I needed her. She continued to encourage me to trust myself and not be afraid to let my true self shine through. Although, it would be almost 5 years after her passing that I finally began to have the courage to do that, because even though she was gone, another person refused to let me forget her lessons to me, and he continued to push, harder than she did.
Brandon: A man who also has touched many lives. He is kind, loving and wise WAY beyond his years. It was pretty much love at first sight when we met. I met him on a Wednesday in the middle of July. He and his family had come to stay at our hotel for a retreat that Kathi and her brother Jerry were hosting. I was working in the hotel office that day, and was instantly attracted to him. I did not know at the time that he was the same person Kathi had told me about a few months earlier. Despite my shyness, I was determined to get to know him better. Little did I know, he felt the same way, and he was equally as shy. We managed to get past our shyness and had our first date on Friday. We shared our first kiss on Saturday, sitting on the floor of my mom's stairwell. I literally felt sparks. By the time he left on Monday, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the man I was going to marry. It frightened me beyond words, yet I couldn't run away, Lord knows I tried. I realized later, the reason I was so scared is because I would never be the same person I was when I met him, and I'm not, not even close. He said he saw in me the potential to be a strong, confident woman, but I wasn't there yet, and I knew it. I was timid, shy and insecure, and the thought of losing my shell terrified me. I feebly tried to push him away, by giving him the some lame excuse about him being so far away, I needed to see other men. Well, I couldn't do it, and the next time I saw him, I professed my undying love to him. To which he replied in true Han Solo fashion "I know." 5 months after we met, we were engaged, and 6 months after that, we were married. I often talked to him about my relationship with Kathi, and how she pushed me to do things that were outside my comfort zone. He encouraged me to remember her influence, and he soon began to push me outside my comfort zone as well. Only he pushed harder because he could be just as stubborn, if not more, than me. For a long time, I felt he was being too willful, and selfish to want me to change, but it was only because I feared leaving my protective shell. He and Kathi both continued to push, and sometimes, I pushed back - but that only caused them to push even harder. For that I am thankful, because despite my stubbornness, neither relented, and if they had, I never would have found the courage to break free. When Kathi passed, we both had a dream that she came to us. To me she simply said to trust myself. To him, she said to go easy on me. I knew then, that it was time to find the courage to become the strong, confident woman, I was meant to be. But for someone who is as stubborn as I am, that was not an easy task. Brandon continued to push, although a little more gently than before. But he encouraged me to remember what Kathi had taught me. I continued to dream about her. The last dream I had, she told me it was time to follow my own star, and not hang on to my devotion to her. I told Brandon about this dream, and every now and then, he would remind me of it, as a way of pushing me to find my courage. I think I have finally listened, for when I look back, I realize, I am far from the shy, scared little girl I was not all that long ago and I am beginning to push myself.
Each, continually encouraged me to let go of my fears and let my true self shine through. And where one left off, the other continues.
Kathi: A woman who touched so many lives, in ways words can never begin to express. No words even exist that could come close to expressing this. She was loving, kind, generous, and stern. Although, I sometimes think she was more stern with me than her own children. She was the person I could go to when I needed to talk about anything. She listened and offered practical advice - that I often was too stubborn to follow, but she continued to give it to me anyway. She was also there to give me a swift kick back into reality when I needed it, which was quite often. I remember one time in particular when I was about 12 or 13 when I decided that I had agoraphobia and was afraid to walk across the street to the store. Although, she never raised her voice to me, and I can't quite remember her exact wording, what she said to me went screaming through me like she had yelled. She made me march right across the street and told me that wasn't going to happen again. It didn't, but I did realize then that I was painfully shy, but didn't have an uncontrollable phobia of public spaces. She continued to try to push me beyond my comfort level, sometimes gently, sometimes more forcefully, especially when I pushed back through my own stubbornness. But for some reason, it was easier for me to see her side of things, than it was my own parents, so I continued to rely on her as my main support system. When I was in high school, she was there for me to help me navigate the confusing world of boyfriends, sex, cliques, heartbreak, etc. She was also one of the people who encouraged me to leave home and go to college, even though my mom didn't really want me to, and the thought of leaving home was absolutely terrifying. But somehow, through her calm demeanor, I knew it would be alright, and off I went. Even though I came home quite often, she wrote me constantly. Cute little notes or cards here and there to brighten my day or give me words of encouragement. I blossomed in college and began to come out of my shy, protective shell. I still turned to her when I needed advice, and she helped me get through a very difficult and dangerous relationship with a man who openly admitted that he practiced black magic. As I was beginning to return from almost falling over the brink with him, she announced to me that she met a wonderful young man in Dallas, TX at a retreat. She thought he would be perfect for me. I wasn't so sure because he lived so far away. But that summer, he and his parents traveled to Red River to attend another retreat. She was right, he was perfect for me. As our relationship grew, she still remained the person I turned to, the person I felt I could share my dreams, fears, etc. She continued to push me, but as I began my life with my husband and shared more with him, her push was not as hard, but she was always there when I needed her. She continued to encourage me to trust myself and not be afraid to let my true self shine through. Although, it would be almost 5 years after her passing that I finally began to have the courage to do that, because even though she was gone, another person refused to let me forget her lessons to me, and he continued to push, harder than she did.
Brandon: A man who also has touched many lives. He is kind, loving and wise WAY beyond his years. It was pretty much love at first sight when we met. I met him on a Wednesday in the middle of July. He and his family had come to stay at our hotel for a retreat that Kathi and her brother Jerry were hosting. I was working in the hotel office that day, and was instantly attracted to him. I did not know at the time that he was the same person Kathi had told me about a few months earlier. Despite my shyness, I was determined to get to know him better. Little did I know, he felt the same way, and he was equally as shy. We managed to get past our shyness and had our first date on Friday. We shared our first kiss on Saturday, sitting on the floor of my mom's stairwell. I literally felt sparks. By the time he left on Monday, there was no doubt in my mind that he was the man I was going to marry. It frightened me beyond words, yet I couldn't run away, Lord knows I tried. I realized later, the reason I was so scared is because I would never be the same person I was when I met him, and I'm not, not even close. He said he saw in me the potential to be a strong, confident woman, but I wasn't there yet, and I knew it. I was timid, shy and insecure, and the thought of losing my shell terrified me. I feebly tried to push him away, by giving him the some lame excuse about him being so far away, I needed to see other men. Well, I couldn't do it, and the next time I saw him, I professed my undying love to him. To which he replied in true Han Solo fashion "I know." 5 months after we met, we were engaged, and 6 months after that, we were married. I often talked to him about my relationship with Kathi, and how she pushed me to do things that were outside my comfort zone. He encouraged me to remember her influence, and he soon began to push me outside my comfort zone as well. Only he pushed harder because he could be just as stubborn, if not more, than me. For a long time, I felt he was being too willful, and selfish to want me to change, but it was only because I feared leaving my protective shell. He and Kathi both continued to push, and sometimes, I pushed back - but that only caused them to push even harder. For that I am thankful, because despite my stubbornness, neither relented, and if they had, I never would have found the courage to break free. When Kathi passed, we both had a dream that she came to us. To me she simply said to trust myself. To him, she said to go easy on me. I knew then, that it was time to find the courage to become the strong, confident woman, I was meant to be. But for someone who is as stubborn as I am, that was not an easy task. Brandon continued to push, although a little more gently than before. But he encouraged me to remember what Kathi had taught me. I continued to dream about her. The last dream I had, she told me it was time to follow my own star, and not hang on to my devotion to her. I told Brandon about this dream, and every now and then, he would remind me of it, as a way of pushing me to find my courage. I think I have finally listened, for when I look back, I realize, I am far from the shy, scared little girl I was not all that long ago and I am beginning to push myself.
Each, continually encouraged me to let go of my fears and let my true self shine through. And where one left off, the other continues.
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