Honorable intentions
I was recently reminded that a certain individual in my life lives his life by his honorable intentions. Not his actions. His intentions. You might think, "Ok, well, he's honorable, so that makes him a good person, right?" Wrong. His so called honorable intentions do not match his actions, especially when he is drinking, which is more often than not.
Case in point, he forced his way into a woman's car to try to "protect" her from his imagined assailants that would force their way into her car while she was camping. He was not welcome in her car, and she didn't need his protection. But he insisted that he had done nothing because his intentions were honorable. Wait. What? It's OK to force your way into someone's personal space to try to protect them from the very thing that you were doing because your intentions were honorable? No. I don't think so.
So he apologized, and life moved on. And though his transgression was not forgotten, or even forgiven, he remained in my life, because after all, his intentions were honorable, and he would never hurt her.
Recently, he reminded me of his true self again. He somehow decided that because my husband was ill, I needed a protector, a hero, to take my husband's place. I work too hard in his mind, and I shouldn't have to. He started to worry and obsess over me. He started to call me when he never did before, like if I didn't answer a text message immediately. Then he would claim he was worried about me. In person interactions became very awkward and I felt like he was acting like we were on a date.
But his "intentions" were honorable. But his actions and his words speak otherwise. And when he told me that the woman he wanted was one he couldn't have... I knew he had gone to far. Sure enough, a few days later, he texted me incessantly about how beautiful I was, and how much he cares for me. This was interspersed with several phone calls that went unanswered. He wondered if I was was mad at him because I didn't answer, then he wondered if I was ok because I didn't answer. He was acting worse than an overprotective boyfriend. Wait a minute, did he forget that I was married? Quite happily to a very wonderful man? I know I never once said or did anything that would ever make him think that what he said to me was ok. I'm not sure, but all I know is that in his mind, he has done nothing wrong because his "intentions were honorable."
And I was reminded once again why it's not your intentions that define you, but your actions. And he is no longer a part of my life. And should he try to push his way back into it, there will be consequences.
Case in point, he forced his way into a woman's car to try to "protect" her from his imagined assailants that would force their way into her car while she was camping. He was not welcome in her car, and she didn't need his protection. But he insisted that he had done nothing because his intentions were honorable. Wait. What? It's OK to force your way into someone's personal space to try to protect them from the very thing that you were doing because your intentions were honorable? No. I don't think so.
So he apologized, and life moved on. And though his transgression was not forgotten, or even forgiven, he remained in my life, because after all, his intentions were honorable, and he would never hurt her.
Recently, he reminded me of his true self again. He somehow decided that because my husband was ill, I needed a protector, a hero, to take my husband's place. I work too hard in his mind, and I shouldn't have to. He started to worry and obsess over me. He started to call me when he never did before, like if I didn't answer a text message immediately. Then he would claim he was worried about me. In person interactions became very awkward and I felt like he was acting like we were on a date.
But his "intentions" were honorable. But his actions and his words speak otherwise. And when he told me that the woman he wanted was one he couldn't have... I knew he had gone to far. Sure enough, a few days later, he texted me incessantly about how beautiful I was, and how much he cares for me. This was interspersed with several phone calls that went unanswered. He wondered if I was was mad at him because I didn't answer, then he wondered if I was ok because I didn't answer. He was acting worse than an overprotective boyfriend. Wait a minute, did he forget that I was married? Quite happily to a very wonderful man? I know I never once said or did anything that would ever make him think that what he said to me was ok. I'm not sure, but all I know is that in his mind, he has done nothing wrong because his "intentions were honorable."
And I was reminded once again why it's not your intentions that define you, but your actions. And he is no longer a part of my life. And should he try to push his way back into it, there will be consequences.
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